Chain Reactions: A Reflection on my Community Outreach Program Experience

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There were ten apples and five persons. One out of the five persons got eight apples, leaving only two for the remaining four to eke out. Later, the one who got eight apples found out that five of the apples are already rotting. Needless to say, the apples were wasted, and have not been put to their proper use.

The story above is what I have recalled during the Basic Orientation Seminar. I got this very meaningful story from my high school Economics teacher. It may have been several years already but it stayed with me. Unequal distribution of resources in this world is an undeniable truth. Majority of the portions of these resources are in the hands of the rich ones. Sadly, majority of it is not utilized as well. That is, the fewest of the few have more than they need, while the residual majority is scraping and sharing the little that is left. It is such an unfair situation. Given the chance to have a super power that could change the world, I will definitely focus on this issue.

Then the chance came, but on a different scope and level. I went to Punta Tarawal to clean shores. It was indeed a very enriching experience. As I picked different kinds of garbage, I found myself imagining the story behind each of them. Thoughts of, “maybe the owner has accidentally dropped this shoe in the ocean and he was very upset after” or “maybe this trash came from a ship that sank many years ago” or “maybe this one came from Alaska” or “maybe this one was thrown deliberately to the ocean.” It was entertaining in a way. But my last assumption made me very sad, if not annoyed. Here I am picking other peoples’ trash when I’m not even throwing anything at the ocean or elsewhere except the garbage bins. 

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That is when I realized that what I do or what I will do has ripple effects. Be it a good one, say proper waste disposal; or, a bad one, say throwing garbage in the ocean. Ultimately, it would still feel good and right if the chain reaction is positively leading to another. So, I must ideally always choose to do the good one, and not choose to do those that would be on the expense of others.

Perhaps I am very fortunate to have been oriented with this kind of thinking. Spending college years in the Ateneo has made me realize things that are of value, not just for me but for others as well. I honestly do not have regrets as to my involvement with community development and outreaches. I believe I have had my fair share of them. But what I wish I had more is exposure to the ills of the society particularly of poverty, be it through seminars, talks and even through immersions. I mean, I wish I had been more participative with the ones being made available by the different formation offices of the university. I hope I could be more knowledgeable with this kind of stuff. As they say, being informed is the first step to being transformed.

Now as I’m near to leaving the confines of the university, I would definitely be carrying with me the thrust, “Men and Women for and with Others.” I am an aspiring Certifying Public Accountant and am intending to practice my profession as an Auditor. By means of that, I could be an agent of correct statement of taxable income. Consequently, the government could collect the right revenue that is due. Hopefully, they may use this revenue to for the development of social services that the constituents deserve. Hence, it’s their turn to play their roles in continuing on the positive chain reaction. No one can change the world alone.

Reasons Why He Opted to Lie Low

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Each one of us is the manager of his own life. As a business student myself, I have learned that a good manager must be effective and efficient. He is said to be effective when all his decisions are in coherence to his set goals. Likewise, he is efficient when he can maximize his resources, by minimizing costs to get to what he wants to achieve. I believe staying as a member of organization is not in line with me being an effective and efficient manager of my own life. This is one of the two main reasons why I have decided to lay low my involvement with the group. The other is on the fifth paragraph. So please continue on.

This may sound a bit blunt, but as I tried to visit the office on first few weeks of the academic year, I kind of felt slightly unwelcomed. I mean, I was waiting for someone to invite me to renew, or give me the renewal form at least and say, ”Hey, you should renew your membership.” No one did. It’s worthy to note that I already thought that staying is not really wise of me to easily get to my goal, which is to graduate this academic year. Objectively saying, being a member will not improve my study habits, will not help me excel in my academics, and definitely will not pay my tuition fees if I lose my scholarship by not having to finish my course on time. This idea was also reinforced when our college’s Dean talked to me with regard to the subjects that I have to take this first semester (very long story) and made me agree to the condition of exerting due diligence on my part as student and lessening, if not doing away with my extra co-curricular activities. Hence, I was hoping that feeling these people's enthusiasm to still want me around would somehow change my mind a bit. I was trying to hold on to the group, knowing that for four years I have been with it and thus established already a relationship and bond, and thus at least because of that I can actually stay. But the circumstances tell me that I can’t have that motivation.

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Having my four-year stay mentioned, given the common four-year college programs, most, if not all of my closest friends in the organization have already graduated. Even the Chaplain is different now. The atmosphere changed a lot. I do not mean it in a negative way. It’s not just the one that I was used to and I don’t have the luxury of time to adjust. 

Moreover, on my fourth year as a member, I was actually the President of the organization. And not to brag, I was a bit of a legend. Laughs… It is under my leadership that the group had its very first St. Ignatius of Loyola statuette, being one of the recognized top performing organizations in the university. I even helmed the group to be on an accredited status. Now that there is a new President, I felt honestly uncomfortable. I know he does too. I am not sure but I think it’s a "predecessor-successor" thing. So I opted to not hang around for a while. Let him be the leader that he is meant to be without any pressure and awkwardness. I know that he will be great.

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The award that the organization got is essentially for its exemplary performance as a spiritual organization, giving activities that form its members’ spiritual lives and all. This really made me tap myself in the back for I feel like I’ve really been an effective instrument in the realization of the group’s vision and reason of existence; which, in point of fact, is to provide holistic formation to students through Church service. This necessarily entails congregating student volunteers to facilitate the community’s worship. That having said, I feel like I can’t do the “facilitating of worship” thing because recently, I feel a disconnect between myself and my God during masses. In truth, it’s been for a long time now. Every mass is now just a series of portions that I must correctly respond to. The worship is reduced to just a job. That is, I felt like a hypocrite every time that I go serve at the mass. But I still pray. I just gotten to believe on silent religiosity I think. I feel like I’m doing fine praying by myself. No need to go to mass. No need to help others have a quality time with their personal Gods during masses. I lost the right to do so when I have not been having a quality experience myself.

And perhaps because of me realizing that I don’t need to stick with people that I don’t like, I just gave myself the privilege to stay away with some of the people who don’t meet my standards as likable. (Sometimes, I honestly didn’t like how issues on the office and organization were handled. But it’s a totally different issue. Maybe I just have a different take on things and have just grown to actually have my own stance over areas of concern. Some people just integrated themselves much to their work that they get oblivious to the fact that it’s still a job. I guess for them it has gotten more personal. Or just maybe, at times I just felt used, manipulated, and my talents exploited.) Don’t get me wrong. There are really nice people in the group. There are just a small percentage of not so nice people existing there. I don’t like dramas. My life is overly dramatic by itself already.

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These are the reasons why I wilfully decided to mark down my connection with the organization. I don’t know if I just gave up on thinking of reasons to keep on or there’s just no heavy an argument for me to. All factors seem to lead on to ceasing to hang around. But as I distance myself, I know it will always be a home for me. It’s just time to move on. I feel like it’s just the right time to do so. What I am saying is that I think I already have taken the things that I am supposed to take from being its member – friends, life lessons, and moments to keep for a lifetime. In the same way, the organization has already taken all that it can from me. This break up is mutual. It’s time to explore new horizons. It’s high time to focus on what my life would be in the future. Damn, most of my friends are already licensed professionals and are living their chosen careers. It’s time to graduate from BS Org and actually graduate with the degree of BS Accountancy.

Conscience is the moral faculty of man which is meant to aid us in our decision making processes. It is like an inner-built northern star which guides us to the right direction; that is, to do what is good and to avoid what is evil. For this the Church posits that conscience is inviolable despite its tendency to err sometimes. This proposition goes with the assumption that before we opt to do a certain act, we have taken time mulling over its goodness or wrongness. Hence, conscience is the final arbiter, Imperfect as we are, conscience likewise is far from perfect. That is why there is a great necessity for it to be formed and honed.

Through our own mistakes, we learn. When we are in a tribulation as consequence of our own doing, there is no one to blame except for ourselves. We develop a sense of responsibility and accountability. We mature. Perhaps, this is the reason why the Church advises us to follow our conscience all the time even its imperfect nature, for us to mature and be more orientated towards the good nature that we are created to be.

Fundamental option is the mind-set that all decisions must always be towards the deepening of one’s relationship with God. Hence, every act must be an active response to God’s calling of love and justice. This is very vital to living a moral life for it makes one in tune to his good nature. That is, if morality can be defined as the standard that can be leaned into when judging one’s acts as good or evil, and one’s deeds are geared towards the intimacy with God who is the source of all goodness in the world, then he would probably would be living a moral life.

Authentic freedom is not one’s ability to do what he desires to do without limitations. Rather, it is knowing his limitations and doing things along the confines of them. 

 

 

 

It is almost always very difficult to go against the current. The society today apparently does not just tolerate hedonism, secularism and consumerism. It seems to attach one’s worth to material possessions and superficial matters. That is we are on a materialistic generation. Anyone who is not in sync with this trend will one way or another be bullied, discriminated and sanctioned. Who would want to feel that? Moreover people nowadays feed their worldly appetitive souls and disregard their spiritual and moral needs. We are very in touch with earthly and instant pleasures that we miss out the transformative learnings brought about by delaying gratifications. This is why it is very hard to be morally upright in this contemporary time. The spirit may be willing but the flesh is weak.

Of Sin

Sins are forgivable, at least by God. So I guess this is why people are committing sin again and again. But what would want us to almost always avoid committing sins is the remorse that comes afterwards. One does not need to have this very strong faith in God and keen awareness of the teachings of the Church to know that he has sinned. With this I kind of agree with the idea that sin is related to guilt. What struck me is the practicality of the idea. If one does not desire to feel this profound discomfort brought about sanctions imposed by the society, be it by the law of the lands or by just isolation, then do good, avoid sin. 

 

But sin is, in its nature is really of theology. It is by default related to God, so I guess we have to have at least an inkling as to what He is promulgating as good so as to avoid evil. And I am finding it hard to make this essay longer. I guess I already made my point clear. Most of the times I just follow what my gut tells me. This is not always bad, by the way. I would like to believe that I am in my own way morally upright man. I try to do what is good. I try not to hurt people or inflict discomfort to myself. So what I am saying is, I am not constantly asking myself “Is this what would God want me to do?” every single time I decide on doing something. I do things as they naturally go. But of course the major decisions need more reflection. In those times I consciously ask for God’s grace of discernment. 

 

Sins are just there. It is part of us being limited human beings; but, the idea of it is not the center of our all. We are ambivalent they say. We have dark and bright potentialities. But I believe we have the power to choose what to focus on as the core of our being. I choose to think that I am more capable of doing what is good than committing sin. Hence it is all in the perspective. Positive disposition would yield positive traits and deeds. 

 

Yes it’s good that we are introduced to the idea of sin. Let us not just concentrate on how sinful we are. Moreover, I really appreciate the effort of this subject matter to somehow bring us more to that place where we are to think that there is something there, a powerful being that is all good and loving. The effort is so willful sometimes I describe it as presumptuous. Not everyone is that in touched to their personal Gods to actually be that faithful, and that the idea of sin would make them want to be the perfect faithful there is the whole wide world.

 

Looking on the silver lining, I truly found it empowering to not just be following the teachings of the supposed authority as regards to this matter blindly. In a very enriching way, we are being enlightened as to the practicality of it. That abstaining from sin is actually for our own peace of mind and happiness, the authentic kinds. For the nth time I feel so privileged to be having the opportunity to be educated in this kind of way.

Of Conscience and Genuine Happiness

Doing things contrary to what the conscience tells one to do make him feel unhappy. All this time I keep on whining with my tribulations, particularly as regards to my studies. But I now realize that if I just follow what my conscience tells me is the right thing to do, failing grades is less probable to exist. I just thought how I just browse the internet and watch TV series made me less of a studious person that I was before. Deep inside I know that I must be studying. 

 

But I keep on putting pleasure over business first. So I started to become very frustrated getting very low grades than usual. Now I started to think that if I was just courageous enough to have followed the best thing to do, which is to study, I couldn’t have been thinking of shifting and be thinking of many other ways that I could be happy even not being CPA. I started to hate every day that I go to school. And that one may imagine is one of the worst feeling ever. But I did anyway. I went to school and attended my classes.

 

 I see now that the conscience is really made to be one of our faculties to direct us. Like the northern star, it tells us where to go. Straying otherwise would make us feel lost and unhappy. In the same light, the conscience needs to be formed, to be educated. It can also err. But all the same it must be followed. It is inviolable. With this I thought of those traditional politicians. I thought that maybe, because they have done corruption for a long time now, the sense of guilt is desensitized. That is, I believe the conscience be preserved and honed. And this could happen if we reflect over things and be in touched with ourselves. We must be open-minded, sensitive and receptive to learning. Setting aside conscience make us less of a human who is authentic. It makes us deviate from our very good nature. It makes less and less able to truly love. I don’t want my guilt be just a fleeting thing. 

 

For a time I thought attributing almost everything to God is lame. It makes us feel less powerful and less in control of our own lives. It kills our freedom. But now I am starting to believe again. God, or at least his teachings are made for us to be happy, for us to achieve our potentials to be good, if not the best. I just am wearing the wrong lens in viewing the things theology is presenting to me. As said, theology requires us to think beyond our own capabilities. And I guess I just might be starting to learn as to how. I believe being one with God is more humanizing than dehumanizing. Just as conscience makes us feel genuinely happy and more free.

Of God's Unconditional Love, Of Mysteries and Of Revelations

God’s love is unconditional. And that kind of love is something that I don’t deserve. I guess this is why it’s called a gift. I didn’t work for it. It is given by means of magnanimity without me asking. It’s a grace. I feel guilty that I take this gift for granted. One can even describe me as ungrateful. For one, I started to use my intellect to think that God is just a being created by man to channel their limitations. But is it not? I believe I am just on the process of understanding more this faith. Hopefully after this phase, my faith would be more founded and strong. Just like our bodies need to be exposed with viruses and germs for it to learn to adapt to it, for its immune system to be boosted, I think this phase is healthy. Perhaps, it is but right for me to admit that I am sick, my soul is sick. With God’s grace, I ask to be healed. 

 

The Parable of the Prodigal Son conveys the promise that when I actually come back, my faith renewed and restored, I would be welcomed with a warm embrace. Moreover, I was really struck how the said parable can ring true in my experiences. I am not the perfect child to my parents, a perfect friend and definitely not an ideal student to my teachers. But despite my flaws and weaknesses, some of the people around me just continue to believe in my capabilities and don’t cease on making me feel secured. Most of the times, it makes me want to change for the better. 

 

Maybe this is just one of God’s revelations to me. This is God manifesting how unconditional His love is - in a way that I could understand. This is God unfolding the many mysteries that his identity has. I once read from a magazine how one must not tell everything on a first date. One should let the other unravel the mystery. In this way, thrill and excitement is guaranteed. Everyone would agree that these two things are needed to have a happy relationship. There is boredom in knowing, in being predictable. Maybe God also applies this to-do’s in dating, in keeping our relationship with Him thrilling and exciting. He wants us to pursue him more, to know him more in an active search and a conscious discovery. While on the process, we also grow with our moral beliefs and values. Getting more acquainted with Him would let us be enlightened whether our actions are in accordance to his holy will. Thus, we become instruments of His unconditional love.

Moral Philosophy Versus Moral Theology: Plus, Fifty Shades of Grey

“By giving up control, I felt free – free from responsibility, from making decisions. I felt safe.” This is the part where Christian Grey is persuading Ana Steele to be his submissive, him being the dominant. I caught myself wishing that I could also have an offer like that. Being who I am now, almost unsupervised by anyone who has the moral obligation to guide me, I am, to be honest, exhausted. I feel tired of the responsibility over myself. I am sick of the confusion, of the questions of whether I am doing right or wrong. I am fed up with looking after myself, of making decisions and dealing with bad consequences. I want to be free. I want someone to enlighten me when I’m on a dark phase of a dilemma. I want someone to fall back into when I seriously fail or is feeling down. 

 

With this I realize that this kind of freedom, of living on one’s own terms, is not healthy, at least for a young adult like me. I am not ready, yet. (Will I ever be ready?) Putting this more into the context, I believe one of the main points where moral theology and moral philosophy deviate is its source of truth and of what is good. It’s human freedom versus God’s law. Moral philosophy is liberating in the sense that one could dictate as to what’s right or wrong. It’s subjective indeed. Maybe I am just a weakling, or just can’t handle my current situation, but I get to appreciate moral theology and its premise. It attributes the truth to the revelations of what is called God rather than to one’s experience and human reasoning alone. Somehow this powerful Being is the dominant, the one who is in control. We people are supposed to be the “submissives”, the ones who conform to the rules and standards set by him. In return, we are rewarded with consolation and burden that is light. 

 

Beyond all of this, I find myself not caring. I have been damaged so much I don’t have the ability to trust myself and any other unseen being. When the dawn breaks, I have to wake up knowing that no one will take responsibility over me, no one is there to adequately provide for my needs, no one is there to do anything for me. I am alone. Day by day, I am just getting by. I am afloat yes, not anchored to anything except to the idea that I need to survive. 

 

That is, in some point, this kind of discourse is superfluous. We get to survive even without knowing what’s what. But don’t get me wrong. I still pray and will never commit suicide. And I am thankful that I get to be in touched with this higher and more profound subject. As said, an unexamined life is not worth living. I believe this is just an opportunity for my beliefs to be tested. I am hoping to pass.

Have you ever been into situations when you are so tired or so sick and you think you just need to sleep and yet can’t do so? These are the times where you realize that what you think you need in the moment is not really what you have to have.

It is just recently that I’ve come to admit how fascinated I am with celebrities and the perfect lives that they seem to be living. I know, I know. No one’s life is supposed to be perfect. But these people, these beautiful and charming people seem to just have a way out of the miseries this cruel world brings. This is why I have this great respect to artists, the good and serious ones, not necessary celebrities, who let us believe that there is more to life that is still unexplored and wonderful. I have this fascination to this actors and actresses maybe for the reason that they are the ones on the front lines, they are the ones who directly get the message and emotions across. And when they do, the most amazing things happen, we are moved, inspired and comforted from our everyday tribulations. What these actors do is one of the few things that must not be set aside as something irrelevant. For people like me who are just holding on by a thread to their sanity, admiring someone, be it based on their physical attributes, wit or status in life, is just what we need to carry on. 

 

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Some say that people who have been through a lot of sufferings, hardships and difficulties grow to be the most humble. But I came to realize that this is a conclusion not applicable to all. For one, those people are the ones who were humiliated, were set aside and have struggled. They became very strong and courageous in the process. They are the ones who will come on tough and yes, intimidating. This may be described as a personal flourishing gone wrong but hey who could blame them? They’ve been through hell. With this I also noted that people who grow more humble and nice to the eyes of the supposedly morally upright society are those who received help, who experienced generosity from the environment, not hostility and embarrassment. People are honed by their reflections from their own personal experiences. In a way this is crucial, especially for young people who are just in their formative years, that is to say in their adolescence. They need moral guidance the most. They must not be left unsupervised. These are the times when reprimands and admonishments are most understandable and necessary.

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I am an over-thinker alright. Maybe I should just stop over-thinking.

Maybe I should just stop my excessive reflecting over things, over my experiences. Over-reflecting does more harm than good, I learned.

It’s just like zooming a picture. We zoom pictures in an attempt to know and comprehend the details that are on it. On just the right amount of zooming, it does good. But over zooming makes it over-pixelated. Over zooming makes it non-comprehensible. Over zooming makes it nothing. Zooming reduces it to just small squares that actually mean nothing.

So what I’m telling is that, the more I reflect on what’s beyond my thoughts and experiences, the more I confuse myself. The more I that I don’t understand what I’m trying to understand in the first place. That is, excessive looking over the details make me lose the whole picture. It makes the entire view meaningless, as much as the details become meaningless.

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I must not think too much. I must busy myself with work that doesn’t require myself to reflect much, and for once concentrate on things outside of my pathetic life. I need to not be idle. I need to be working. I need to be on the go. I need to be in motion. Being stagnant makes me think too much. And thinking too much isn’t good. Idle time is the devil’s workshop.

I need to occupy myself. And while on it, enjoy the mysteries that the world is unfolding. Over analyzing kills the magic, the fun. Uncertainties make life more thrilling.

This way I...

Dearest Mona and Jai,

I want you to know that I too am feeling very sad as with these recent happenings. I guess I just have my own way of dealing with it. As you’re aware by now, I’m weird that way. Parting of ways is here and there. Persons whom we are so used to being with seem to be moving on to the next chapters of their lives. I believe one thing that makes it more sad is that we are left looking back, while these persons are looking forward. So I say that we also look forward. These persons are not the only ones who are turning to the next chapters of their lives. We too are. We are all into this thing so called as  transitioning. Moving forward doesn’t mean that we are to forget. No. It’s more of carrying on to earn more things to remember. Like novels, where each chapter integrally comprise the totality of the story, our experiences also would accumulate to make the greatest story of all. Hence, whatever we have had will always be a part of our lives now. They were not just fleeting moments. They happened for a meaningful purpose.

But this letter is truly intended for you, for us. I am writing this because I know I’ll never really can express this as articulately and elaborately in a normal conversation. After a very long time, earlier this evening we three had gone out to catch up. I just felt like writing to you after that. It just occurred to me that we three are also going to part ways sooner than expected. And I’ll not be with you in Cebu, during the probably last CSV happening that would supposedly give us the chance to spend quality time together. So for the first and last time, I want for you to know how I feel.

For the next years, I would always be thinking of you come months of September and December. Months of Peñafrancia fiesta and Christmas are two of the colorful and festive highlights of our volunteer life. Likewise these are the times of perfect excuse for sleepovers. I would always remember those sleepover nights. So many memories were made there. Those times when we sleep beside each other, those times when share the last of our allowances for our dinner, those times we take care of one when he/she is sick, those times we stay up late just to watch a movie or just talk, or laugh, or hear the other’s problems, pay for one’s meal when he/she short, lending money when needed, my birthday surprise, those times when we’re in the car with Fr. Ritche messing around, the hugs and the kisses, and among many other good things. We were the definition of siblings, of family.

Most of the time I think I am the one who is need. And you were always there to help. The Mr. Gabay thing is just one of the greatest. That is, I always come to you empty handed. I don’t have anything to offer really. But you still had me as a friend. I know you’ve been to the point of almost giving up on me and my weirdness, but the fact is you never did. You’ve discovered my issues but still you’re there. You stayed. I am truly grateful for your generosity and understanding. Truly.

You two were blessings. And I will not end this letter without thanking the Almighty God for giving me the opportunity to meet you. Basically we met and became friends through our calling to serve Him and his Church. In the future, when I think of my college years, I’ll think of being a Chaplaincy Student Volunteer. CSV will always be a happy place for me partly because of the friendship that we’ve come to create.

The future awaits us. I just wanted you to know there will be a piece of you in me always. Whatever persons you become, and wherever you two are in the world, I will be sending you love.

Always, 

Zec

Graduation Blues: Perspective of a Left Behind

Perhaps some great things are not really made to last. Their being temporary is somehow the one characteristic that makes them great, the thing that makes one to want to hold on to it for a very long time and after letting go of the grip, to treasure them.

For a while, especially in the initial phases, where the thought of not having to see a friend walking the hallways is just sinking in, it will make one sad. I was sad.

Yet after attending graduation celebrations, I feel not so sad anymore being left behind and all. I came to realize that at the end of the party, I just have be thankful for what has transpired - the friendship, the moments, the laughter and everything, and sleep with a heart looking forward to what's in store for tomorrow. Surely there will be times that I'll miss them being around, but I'll carry on.

Likewise I realized that one's family are the persons who'll certainly stay. From the celebrations, I get to be introduced to family members and suddenly this thought came crystal clear to me. Friends are there, but in the end you go home with your family. And this people who I am getting mopy about because they already graduated and leaving the confines of our campus have their own lovely families. I felt slightly guilty being sad amidst their family's happy event. In a way it's been impressed to me that I don't own these people. Their friendship is really  just a gift. And I have my own family too. Better make effort to be of greatest of terms with my own family, the ones guaranteed to stay even after every graduation or other milestones, I resolved.

That is, in a very weird manner, I have come to compare graduation celebrations to wakes of a dead loved one. It makes you ready, in a very profound way to accept the circumstances, then understand that the situation calls for letting go, much as what one undergoes during bereavements.

I found myself praying and sharing to God all my sentiments as regards to this. In a way I want to be comforted. And I was.

Thanking God for the gift of friendship. Praying for a brighter tomorrow not just for me and but for my friends who graduated as well. xoxo

When Things Get Forgotten

I have been very busy lately. Deadlines are here and there. And it's fine. What's not fine is me losing things that are valuable. I just have this tendency to focus onto something so much that I tune off to some other things that are important, say for instance my usb flashdrive and worse, my coin purse with all my cash in it. How frustrating! Yeah maybe its the jinx Friday the 13th has. But I need not experience this again. I won't wait for the day that I lose more important things, (please not my life) because of my lack of finesse and composure in dealing with pressure.*Sighs.*

I remember Patrick J Adams giving this advice to law students of a university in Ireland -"Don't concentrate on something too much that you lose sight of what's in the sidelines." Amen to this.

And yet I can't put away the thought of the big "what ifs?"  What if I haven't been like this or like that?What of I have been more careful and conscious of my environment?

God, I am going crazy. We're not affluent to afford furnishing this gadgets and cash when we needed it. We don't have money to squander. You just can imagine how ashamed I was to call my father telling him that I just lost all my cash and asked him to send me allowance two days after he did. I feel guilty.

I just hope that this won;t happen again. Please Lord, guide me with this.

Perhaps one positive realization of this day is that life is really way easier if you have friends. I have survived this "great loss" through their help and extra cash. (Yup, the loaned me cash because as you remember, my coin purse went missing for good."

Likewise, family will always be there in times of trouble. Not just because it's their moral obligation to do so, but because they are family. Period.

I pray to God to comfort me. I feel guilty and paranoid. I feel like I am the most irresponsible person in the world.  Lord, hear my prayer.

Community Development

Perhaps the core of community development is fundamentally positive. The words themselves say that it aims to effect changes and improvements over the community. From these progresses, positive impacts could be viewed.

Development of the community generally would uplift the ways of living of its constituents. Say for instance, a certain group of people living together in a specific geographical location’s sanitation has been improved. Consequently their health and entire well-being would be in better condition. And when people generally are in the right shape, they could do more. To illustrate, they could now work more efficiently and effectively given a certain duration of time . Subsequently if they could work excellently, they could be very well compensated on one hand, and more quality products would be subjected to the market on the other. Hence, economic status of the community could be raised and so on and so forth.

The most essential part of community development is to empower people so that they may be able to live better lives. Perhaps starting at one point and beginning with the basic could bring forth a ripple of effects that would not just significantly improve one’s standard of living but of others around him as well.

The question now is, who will be the one to make this golden vision of community development see the light if the day? Basically this is our government’s job. Yet I believe that this is everyone’s responsibility. Public and private sectors must work hand in hand to ensure more communities are developed.

To Facilitate Replacing You Is

Having mixed feelings after the election. I'm definitely feeling full, courtesy of Noble. But what I mean is I can't identify what I feel really.

Maybe I'm happy a number of people participated. It's probably the most populous election that I've attended. Likewise I'm happy because brilliant and potential leaders accepted the challenge of officership. I'm really happy for them. I'd like to think that we as incumbent officers did something to inspire them to take courage and be officers as well.

I also think I'm feeling relieved. Finally I'd be freed from duties and responsibilities. But with the feeling of relief is sadness. It just sunk in that my days as an officer just had its end. But as it ended I believe I would carry within me the lessons that I have learned throughout the experience plus the friendship with my colleagues. Thank you to Monaliza, Madel, Bheck, Ate Tin, Jai, Ghue, Martin, and Ate Bang and Fr. Ritche as well.

I am also preparing myself for the changes that the incoming officers are to implement. It's a way of telling the past administration "This is how it must be done." So I feel kinda pressured.

But then again it's not about me or us. It's about the organization's welfare. I firmly believe that CSV will be on good hands.

To the incoming officers, Godspeed! You'll do such fine. You'll be amazed how time will fly. One day  you'll possibly be feeling what I feel right now after facilitating an election intending to replace us.  I really thank you you for your courage, for not fearing the responsibilities and the life ahead. You'll get more from what you'll invest I promise you.

This is it. So long CSV. Current President is signing off.

Please, Not From You

The moment that you became aware of your flaws and had  subsequently accepted them is the moment that marked the start of you not feeling hurt whenever someone brings them up or spits them out on your face. This is indeed very correct. There are just times when this notion doesn't apply. It's when the act of making you remember how horrible person you've been comes from a person whom you thought was one of few people who must've understood better.

SOAR 2015

As a religious organization, winning this award is I think one of the best thing that could happen. Just realizing that we have just been shortlisted has sat me in high spirits. One reason may be because it's very unexpected. But more importantly, is the idea of  us, the officers, of having truly lived our purpose. That is, to be instruments of the realization of CSV's mission and vision.

From day one we have envisioned to let Ateneans know the existence of Chaplaincy Student Volunteers. Perhaps because we want to let more Ateneans experience the distinct formation that our organization is offering. The same formation that we have received and come to appreciate. We have been blessed in so many ways volunteering, dedicating time to serve Him during mass. In the spirit of magnanimity and generosity, we want to share this to others. We want to open doors to as many Ateneans to experience what we had experienced.

I think from this sprang the idea of putting the name of CSV, even at least as a nominee in any award in SOAR. This award, is the tangible proof that this vision has come to reality, that all our efforts has come to fruition.

May this be the beginning of a whole new journey of congregating more Ateneans, more youth, to come upon the CSV experience.

I really won't say the this because it seemed pompous. (And yet I will. LOL) This is the first time in 12 years. From "just the other group" to being one of the  Accredited Student Organizations, to being included in the list of Top Performing Organizations, to having this Achievement Award. As one of the people who made this into reality, and perhaps being their so called President, I just can't contain the feeling of pride with this accomplishment.

Thank you to Fr. Ritche, our University Chaplain. You really are the coolest priest I have ever known. Your sense of adventure is just so contagious we just are inspired to create  activities that are adventurous as well.To Ate Bang our moderator, your support to our activities is just incomparable. To Monaliza, Madel,  Ate Tin, Martin, Bheck, Jai, Ghue, and to every CSV member who have been with us through thick and thin, this is ours. This is the product of our cumulative effort.

Of course all of this is for the greater glory of God.

Accounting: A Language that Not Everybody is Using

     The vocabulary of accounting is largely used to communicate financial information about profit-seeking enterprises to interested persons, both within and outside a business firm (Kaluza, 1980). This is why, it is often referred to and acknowledged as the language of business.

     Regardless of size, type, and form of ownership, all profit-seeking firms look to accounting to provide up-to-date financial information about all aspects of their business operation. Accounting information is useful to anyone who must make decisions that have economic consequences. Hence, it is very necessary for effective management.

     Yet not all business firms, particularly those small to medium enterprises, actually realize the importance of accounting. Most of them just think of it as just a way of complying with the government and other interested parties such as lending institutions’ requirements. “That is, in simple terms, for them to be just permitted by authorities to operate their business( Gogola, 2008).”They just furnish financial reports for the sake of securing them, not really understanding how those reports can benefit them if viewed in the right perspective.

     Small businesses don’t need accounting until it gets out of control – this is a myth (Viteri, 2010). Every business in different industries must have something to lean on for decision-making purposes, not only on tough times but whole throughout the year of its operation. That is, to ensure that every decision made is for the improvement of the sustainability and profitability of the business. This is why there is a need to put up a standard to make sure that there’s uniformity of the quality of the performance of accounting process. One of the series of pronouncements issued by the Financial Reporting Standards Council is the Philippine Accounting Standards (PAS).

My awesome Business Research groupmates.

This is actually the unedited background of our study which is  entitled, "The Effects of the Level of Compliance to PAS 41- Biological Assets to the Profitability of the Fish Cage Industry in Buhi, Camarines Sur." Kudos to my groupmates. All the hard works had a wonderful fruition.

Philippine National Railways: Moving Forward"

To say that I have learned is really understatement. I was transformed.

Indeed being informed can be very instrumental to one’s transformation of perspectives. During the seminar, I have come to listen to some of our distinguished guests’ talks. It covered the past, present and future of Bicol railways.

From the talk about the past, I have learned that Bicol trains and railways have been existing way back then. Somehow I have come to realize that trains have been already a part of Bicol’s culture and heritage. It has played a significant part on the lives of our fellow Bicolano’s who lived way before us. Say specifically, it added spice to one’s childhood, livelihood and even love life.

But most importantly, I was moved by the fact that the thriving market over the train station have died after the railways has been out of operation. From there, I have seen the deeper importance of it. As a mode of transportation, it brings back and forth people from one place to another. And it’s just an opportunity for a livelihood to be accessible.

I would not like to reiterate how negative its condition in the present. Railways are not in the best of quality and speed is substandard. It has not been clear as to why Phillipine National Railways are somehow setting this dire condition aside. I was saddened to learn that only in Bicol region that railways are not that given due attention. On some other areas north of Luzon, they have been enjoying the benefits that train as a mode of transportation promises. Why not us?

From this current situation comes the initiative of this group of people. I am so proud of them. In their pioneering move, I have come to realize how one spark can really start a fire. May this be the beginning of more awareness campaigns so that we could enjoy better transportation facilities that we deserve.

One very important thing that I have realized from the seminar is that it is not wrong for a group of people to initiate changes over the current status of something, say for instance transportation facilities. I have learned that it’s actually a way of giving light to the present leaders to improve government’s responsibility. It is not a way of throwing eggs over the current system or perhaps criticizing them for how negligent they are over this matter. It’s just a way of saying , “Things could be improved. We have hope.”

Perhaps, it would be very wrong if these pleas are not heard. So I guess, through this understanding of the significance of PNR to Bicol region, I would be now very supportive of the campaign. I would in my best of my ability help people, particularly my fellow Bicolano youth to take part in this rehabilitation and upgrading of our railways.

Perhaps, it is very essential for me to disclose what I think is the significance of PNR before I take part with its campaign.

During the talks I have in a way become very nostalgic. Having trains have been a very colourful experience, as described by some of our guests. I have come to ask this big “what if?” What if these modes of transportation still exists and thrives over Bicol region now? Would my way of living be different? Would my view over what is fun and enjoyable be different?

Furthermore, since this is a transportation facility, I have still come to ask, “What if trains are so fast that I could actually go back and forth to Iriga every day?” There would be no need for me to stay away from my family just to study.

You see, there could be a very big difference. And as I say it, these differences point only to one thing, a better and improved life.

Bringing back, if not improving Bicol’s trains and railways would not just add color to our already wonderful culture and heritage. It would more importantly effect significant changes over various and key aspects of our society, not to mention micro and macroeconomic aspects.

So there, in participation with this move for a cause, I would be willing to be an instrument of this change. Amen to the upgrade of our trains and railways!

Moreover, I was inspired to make a statement over what I feel could be improved and developed. With the right network of people, I think I can. All this not for my own fame, but for the greater glory of God.
One very important thing that I have realized from the seminar is that it is not wrong for a group of people to initiate changes over the current status of something, say for instance transportation facilities. I have learned that it’s actually a way of giving light to the present leaders to improve government’s responsibility. It is not a way of throwing eggs over the current system or perhaps criticizing them for how negligent they are over this matter. It’s just a way of saying , “Things could be improved. We have hope.”

Perhaps, it would be very wrong if these pleas are not heard. So I guess, through this understanding of the significance of PNR to Bicol region, I would be now very supportive of the campaign. I would in my best of my ability help people, particularly my fellow Bicolano youth to take part in this rehabilitation and upgrading of our railways.

Perhaps, it is very essential for me to disclose what I think is the significance of PNR before I take part with its campaign.

During the talks I have in a way become very nostalgic. Having trains have been a very colourful experience, as described by some of our guests. I have come to ask this big “what if?” What if these modes of transportation still exists and thrives over Bicol region now? Would my way of living be different? Would my view over what is fun and enjoyable be different?

Furthermore, since this is a transportation facility, I have still come to ask, “What if trains are so fast that I could actually go back and forth to Iriga every day?” There would be no need for me to stay away from my family just to study.

You see, there could be a very big difference. And as I say it, these differences point only to one thing, a better and improved life.

Bringing back, if not improving Bicol’s trains and railways would not just add color to our already wonderful culture and heritage. It would more importantly effect significant changes over various and key aspects of our society, not to mention micro and macroeconomic aspects.

So there, in participation with this move for a cause, I would be willing to be an instrument of this change. Amen to the upgrade of our trains and railways!

Moreover, I was inspired to make a statement over what I feel could be improved and developed. With the right network of people, I think I can. All this not for my own fame, but for the greater glory of God.


Reflection on Philippine National Railways: Moving Forward" Seminar organized by: CBA - FMC PDVM 102 sections AMN1 & AMN2 in Partnership with ADNU High School Batch '71 and NPS Batch '67@ Bro. Richie Fernando Hall, Ateneo de Naga University
February 7, 2015 from 8:00 am to 12:00 pm

When the Night is Bright

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In high school, we've had this lesson in fourth year MAPEH titled, "The Art of Aging." It was just a mere lecture then. Tonight as I was actually walking along the streets by myself, I have gotten to ponder on things that I probably won't understand and appreciate if I haven't grown older. I have come to realize that one of the significant links between art and aging is, in point of fact, open-mindedness. Hence, being open to be taught and to learn.
During one of the seminars that I've attended, our keynote speaker, (which actually is Ma'am Cathy Bobis and is in fact about Conflict Management,) asked us if we have already met the worst of ourselves. She said that we are lucky if we run into our darkest side now that we are still young for we still have ample time to change or at least tame that part of us. At that moment, I didn't have a ready answer. And the question lingered in my thoughts.
Then taking time, and not essentially forcing myself to reflect, I think that I have, in fact, shaken hands with the demon that is inside of me. I have known my fatal flaw all along. For the most part of my life, I thought that things can just be categorized into two. They're either black or white. Now, being twenty and all, I have truly learned that it's actually many shades of gray.

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That is, I have been boxed and confined with my so called "principles" that I basically refused to see what's beyond. There are even times when even though I am aware I've hurt others' feelings big time, I don't utter the word sorry at all. If I did, it's probably not genuine. Again because of this so called "principles." I was delirious. I blindly stood my ground. I have been arrogant, proud and selfish. And I am greatly sorry for that.

As my mother had tried to inculcate in me while she was still alive, "Humility is the mother of all traits." I implore myself to be humble. For I believe that it's only when we put our heads low and accept that we're not as intelligent, talented, high-profile as we think ourselves to be, that we could welcome opportunities of growth and enlightenment. Suffice it to say, we need to be humble to have an open-mind. And it takes an open mind to appreciate life beyond the neon lights of teenage years.

Virtual Realities and Escapism

     I’m starting to hate things that could make you escape your problems. I’m talking of books, movies, music among other things. Now I am starting to realize that it’s not good. Because of them we are actually evading our problems and not solve them face on.

      I’m very impatient now as to entertaining my thoughts. I seem to run out of words everytime I write them down. Before I cherish the time writing as I feel I’m so in touched with myself. Now, I just do not know anymore.

       My intellectual and emotional tolerance runs short. I am lost. Is this me?

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      I am actually a follower of Abraham Maslow now. I understand now how his hierarchy if needs go. It’s because I am experiencing it now. I have a lot of potentials. A self-proclaimed talented guy, this I am. But because, I don’t have something to it, I don’t have money, I don’t have friends, my family is dysfunctional, I cannot actualize them. I just can’t.

       Something tells me that I should take chances. Something tells me to defy gravity. I just don’t know why I actually don’t do them. Maybe I’m so weak, so weak that I can’t push a small rock. 

      I just wish I could be secured financially. I want to feel that when my money runs out, I have something and somewhere to replenish it. I want to feel secure as to my food supply. I want to feel full my stomach would burst everytime. By this way I could have the strength to actually do everything, be it physical or intellectual. Food gives us energy.

       I am hungry.

       I pray for temperance.