If I could pick one lesson that I find striking that I would reflect on, it would be the concept of “Pagkayaon asin Pagkaigwa.” I am a type of person who doesn’t want to share that I am in a struggle, say for instance when I am running out of my allowance to my friends. I am conscious of how others would perceive me. So, I try to modify my true self to control the image that they could picture out when they hear my name. You know when you have this ideal self that you have in your head and you actually try to be that picture in the eyes of everyone? I think that’s more of me now. Thus, I actually find it hard to have real friends, especially here in the Ateneo. I just have this notion and conclusion based from my experiences that to have friends in environments like this means that you would go out with them to expensive fast food chains, eat in restaurants, go shopping together, talk about the wonderful places that you have been into, among other things like having the latest gadgets and most trendy clothes. You see, this is an example of an ideal self that I am talking about. I am not saying that the environment in the university is generally not apt for genuine friendships to flourish, what I am saying is that I somehow feel obliged to show and possess material things to actually be in a group. That is, to show “pagkaigwa.” This is really wrong based on the concept of “Pagkayaon.”
All these having said, I believe that it’s just me being materialistic and all. Having learned about how right and healthy it is to show, present and offer one’s self, bare from everything worldly makes me want to change my being pretentious to being truthful. Based on the lesson, I feel remorseful due to the fact that in a way I am manipulating others and pushing them to actually like me. How shameful is that!
In general, this reflection conveys that I must change. Do more of “pagkayaon” instead of “pagkaigwa.” With this, I could only hope that people would like me even better and actually appreciate the real and authentic me. I could only imagine the profound happiness I would experience if this happens. “Baby steps,” they say. I know it would be gradual, but I assure myself that I will change.
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