Significance of Others to the Self

          

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            We are innately social beings. This underscores my point as to why and how others have significance to the self.            First, the others are important to the self because through interacting with them, we know profoundly who the self is. How? The self is a mystery to himself, so we need others to unlock this mystery. As said, the self measures, investigates and judges the others. Hence, through interaction, we discover how different we are. Somehow, this difference pointed out makes our true self surface. Thus, we say, "I am not like them because I'm like this." The self knows itself.
           Second, we find meaning to our selves' existence through helping others. We all have gaps to fill, and filling up other's gaps give the self profound satisfaction.

Pagkayaon As An Experience From my Family

How did I experience “pagkayaon” from my family?

Tria said that “pagkayaon” is the authentic offering of one’s self to others. It neither coerces nor manipulates. Hence, it is merely letting others know that the self is there for them. As said, it is an offering.

I thought that I will find it very hard to think of some “pagkayaon” experience as I first looked at the guide question. This is not without reasons of course. Have you ever found out a dark secret from your parent’s past? Well I did. I felt then that they didn’t really let me know who they are. The other reason maybe is that I did not understand the concept of ”pagkayaon” very well. After reading the relevant chapter several times, I have reflected that I have actually been experiencing from my family, my parents in particular, the very notion of “pagkayaon.” After which did I realize that knowing some not so good stuff from others’ past doesn’t necessarily mean that they have not genuinely offered you their selves. I have realized that people naturally is imperfect and does mistakes. This also applies to me. So, I am very grateful for my family for accepting and dealing with my imperfections. Thus, one of long list “pagkayaon” experiences from them. Consequently, I must also do the same. As Tria have conveyed, pagkayaon requires pagkayaon as a response. Not doing so is a betrayal.

Talking about a long list, I could also pick one I deem relevant and “share-able” if you know what I mean. Back in high school, not to brag, I was a student so enthusiastic about studies, conscious about grades, hungered for awards and kind of maintaining a reputation of being on the cream of the crop. Of course it was not easy. At times when I am very much anxious of not attaining my goals, I’d go share with my parents, my mother most of the times, and share my predicaments. The way they respond always lets me know and become certain that they will be there and accept me no matter what, low grades and all. And they do. They would even accept me if I become so dumb, which I won’t let happen.

Thus, they really are offering themselves to me as they are and not dictating that I do things like exert effort more to study, don’t watch the television, confiscate my cellphone or prohibit me from logging in on Facebook. Hence, a true and simple manifestation of “pagkayaon” from my family.

"Pagkayaon asin Pagkaigwa" plus Myself

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If I could pick one lesson that I find striking that I would reflect on, it would be the concept of “Pagkayaon asin Pagkaigwa.” I am a type of person who doesn’t want to share that I am in a struggle, say for instance when I am running out of my allowance to my friends. I am conscious of how others would perceive me. So, I try to modify my true self to control the image that they could picture out when they hear my name. You know when you have this ideal self that you have in your head and you actually try to be that picture in the eyes of everyone? I think that’s more of me now. Thus, I actually find it hard to have real friends, especially here in the Ateneo. I just have this notion and conclusion based from my experiences that to have friends in environments like this means that you would go out with them to expensive fast food chains, eat in restaurants, go shopping together, talk about the wonderful places that you have been into, among other things like having the latest gadgets and most trendy clothes. You see, this is an example of an ideal self that I am talking about. I am not saying that the environment in the university is generally not apt for genuine friendships to flourish, what I am saying is that I somehow feel obliged to show and possess material things to actually be in a group. That is, to show “pagkaigwa.” This is really wrong based on the concept of “Pagkayaon.”

All these having said, I believe that it’s just me being materialistic and all. Having learned about how right and healthy it is to show, present and offer one’s self, bare from everything worldly makes me want to change my being pretentious to being truthful. Based on the lesson, I feel remorseful due to the fact that in a way I am manipulating others and pushing them to actually like me. How shameful is that!

In general, this reflection conveys that I must change. Do more of “pagkayaon” instead of “pagkaigwa.” With this, I could only hope that people would like me even better and actually appreciate the real and authentic me. I could only imagine the profound happiness I would experience if this happens. “Baby steps,” they say. I know it would be gradual, but I assure myself that I will change.