Each one of us is the manager of his own life. As a business student myself, I have learned that a good manager must be effective and efficient. He is said to be effective when all his decisions are in coherence to his set goals. Likewise, he is efficient when he can maximize his resources, by minimizing costs to get to what he wants to achieve. I believe staying as a member of organization is not in line with me being an effective and efficient manager of my own life. This is one of the two main reasons why I have decided to lay low my involvement with the group. The other is on the fifth paragraph. So please continue on.
This may sound a bit blunt, but as I tried to visit the office on first few weeks of the academic year, I kind of felt slightly unwelcomed. I mean, I was waiting for someone to invite me to renew, or give me the renewal form at least and say, ”Hey, you should renew your membership.” No one did. It’s worthy to note that I already thought that staying is not really wise of me to easily get to my goal, which is to graduate this academic year. Objectively saying, being a member will not improve my study habits, will not help me excel in my academics, and definitely will not pay my tuition fees if I lose my scholarship by not having to finish my course on time. This idea was also reinforced when our college’s Dean talked to me with regard to the subjects that I have to take this first semester (very long story) and made me agree to the condition of exerting due diligence on my part as student and lessening, if not doing away with my extra co-curricular activities. Hence, I was hoping that feeling these people's enthusiasm to still want me around would somehow change my mind a bit. I was trying to hold on to the group, knowing that for four years I have been with it and thus established already a relationship and bond, and thus at least because of that I can actually stay. But the circumstances tell me that I can’t have that motivation.
Having my four-year stay mentioned, given the common four-year college programs, most, if not all of my closest friends in the organization have already graduated. Even the Chaplain is different now. The atmosphere changed a lot. I do not mean it in a negative way. It’s not just the one that I was used to and I don’t have the luxury of time to adjust.
Moreover, on my fourth year as a member, I was actually the President of the organization. And not to brag, I was a bit of a legend. Laughs… It is under my leadership that the group had its very first St. Ignatius of Loyola statuette, being one of the recognized top performing organizations in the university. I even helmed the group to be on an accredited status. Now that there is a new President, I felt honestly uncomfortable. I know he does too. I am not sure but I think it’s a "predecessor-successor" thing. So I opted to not hang around for a while. Let him be the leader that he is meant to be without any pressure and awkwardness. I know that he will be great.
The award that the organization got is essentially for its exemplary performance as a spiritual organization, giving activities that form its members’ spiritual lives and all. This really made me tap myself in the back for I feel like I’ve really been an effective instrument in the realization of the group’s vision and reason of existence; which, in point of fact, is to provide holistic formation to students through Church service. This necessarily entails congregating student volunteers to facilitate the community’s worship. That having said, I feel like I can’t do the “facilitating of worship” thing because recently, I feel a disconnect between myself and my God during masses. In truth, it’s been for a long time now. Every mass is now just a series of portions that I must correctly respond to. The worship is reduced to just a job. That is, I felt like a hypocrite every time that I go serve at the mass. But I still pray. I just gotten to believe on silent religiosity I think. I feel like I’m doing fine praying by myself. No need to go to mass. No need to help others have a quality time with their personal Gods during masses. I lost the right to do so when I have not been having a quality experience myself.
And perhaps because of me realizing that I don’t need to stick with people that I don’t like, I just gave myself the privilege to stay away with some of the people who don’t meet my standards as likable. (Sometimes, I honestly didn’t like how issues on the office and organization were handled. But it’s a totally different issue. Maybe I just have a different take on things and have just grown to actually have my own stance over areas of concern. Some people just integrated themselves much to their work that they get oblivious to the fact that it’s still a job. I guess for them it has gotten more personal. Or just maybe, at times I just felt used, manipulated, and my talents exploited.) Don’t get me wrong. There are really nice people in the group. There are just a small percentage of not so nice people existing there. I don’t like dramas. My life is overly dramatic by itself already.
These are the reasons why I wilfully decided to mark down my connection with the organization. I don’t know if I just gave up on thinking of reasons to keep on or there’s just no heavy an argument for me to. All factors seem to lead on to ceasing to hang around. But as I distance myself, I know it will always be a home for me. It’s just time to move on. I feel like it’s just the right time to do so. What I am saying is that I think I already have taken the things that I am supposed to take from being its member – friends, life lessons, and moments to keep for a lifetime. In the same way, the organization has already taken all that it can from me. This break up is mutual. It’s time to explore new horizons. It’s high time to focus on what my life would be in the future. Damn, most of my friends are already licensed professionals and are living their chosen careers. It’s time to graduate from BS Org and actually graduate with the degree of BS Accountancy.
